Let me begin readers by telling you that for the past three years, I have been on a quest to find a sexy, on-premise "lifestyle" event or club with friendly,
young, open minded people in New York City. Time and time again I have failed. This post is yet another reminder of WHY I throw my own events in NYC. Nothing else exists that comes even close to an SoS event. Believe me, if something did, I wouldn't have to spend so much time and energy in planning my own parties. What's more, rather than approach my events as a promoter, I approach it as a real swinger who wants to play -- which means that I am not fake and I do not bullshit.
I have made it my mission to explore ANY and EVERY swingers event I hear about in the tri-state area (NY, NJ, CT). No one gives me special access, and I do not ask to get in for free. I come as a guest looking for fun. But why can I NEVER find the party I'm looking for??? I think I've finally come to the conclusion that it's because the organizers simply do not give a shit. These clubs and parties are an illusion. "Walk into an erotic fantasy world and experience bliss..." Yeah, right...
I would love to attend other quality events; but each and every event or club is run by greedy men who don't have the first clue about how to provide a safe, sexy, warm environment for people to explore their sexuality. Not a cock tease. Not a "let's get drunk until our wives make out" fest. But simply, a swing party with a good crowd -- and plenty of action, if one so chooses to observe or partake.
Every single party promotes itself as providing this ideal environment of which I speak -- but every time, it's been a complete lie. (Swing clubs are different, except for
Checkmate's "velvet rope" lie, none of the clubs in NYC brag about "hot" crowd.) But, unbelievably, the organizers of these events manage to convince their crowds that although the party wasn't as kickin' as they had promised, the one before it was amazing, and the one after it will surely break all records. This is all marketing bullshit -- and I'm sick of it. None of these parties are run by a
woman who genuinely wants to make a quality event and is not in it for money -- and that is precisely why SoS is so amazing. Let me share my latest experience with you...
A friend of ours told us about a group that she
suspected threw very hot, upscale parties in Manhattan. She had never gone to the events, but had joined the group's Yahoo Group and had been following the posts for several months. Rocco and I joined the group as well, and it seemed like we may have finally stumbled upon a decent party in Manhattan

(besides, of course, our own SoS events). I will not disclose the group's name out of courtesy, but if you email me I can certainly let you know who it was.
The group was promoting the hell out of their Cinco de Mayo "Birthday Bash." When I say promote, I mean PROMOTE -- no less than fifty emails were exchanged about the event in the Yahoo Group. They hyped this thing up so much that Rocco and I were really excited about going! It was supposed to be a great venue, and a packed house. The pictures of past events on the web site looked great, although we noticed the same people in every picture. We wondered why, as veterans of the "scene" in NYC, we had never heard of this group before.
We had such high hopes, and were eagerly anticipating the event. We were extremely impressed by the fact that the group REQUIRED people to pre-pay for the event online. The event was not cheap either -- at $150, we were expecting a really good event and a decent sized venue.
The emails we received kept building the excitement: complimentary champagne and vodka drinks, an erotic chocolate tasting, whipped cream, amateur body massages, and plenty of rooms for "getting down" including an all girls room.
We received the address the day of the party. We were also intrigued. Was this a great loft space we hadn't heard of? We were hoping to learn about how these people threw parties akin to "walking into your own FANTASY WORLD, leaving the world world with its primitive rules, on the outside. It's where, if you choose, anything can happen, and usually does!" as described on the group's website. The group also said it was extremely accessible to newbies and promotes a very friendly atmosphere. All lies, as you will soon find out.
We arrived at the location on West 46th Street. A goofy looking man greeted us in the lobby, and asked for our names. He had a thick stack of printouts -- everyone guest's name and required full-face picture. The list was sitting on a table. I was shocked by the lack of discretion. The man verified that we were on the list and guided

us to the fourth floor. Rocco and I looked around. The group had rented a "Newstalgic Spa," which had barely any room. The spa was decorated in a boudoir theme; the promoters hadn't done much except to clear out some space and put down some mats. As we walked in and looked around, we wondered -- what WAS this? Rocco snapped a few shots of the venue, and I have posted them with this review. I felt claustrophobic as we toured the facility. Size in NYC is at a premium, but this was a fucking joke. I've seen one-bedroom apartments that have more space! The two small play areas were a joke. There were no beds, no aerobeds, just a few foam mats and one Liberator Zeppelin. There was one sofa in the "All Girl-Girl room." Chairs were scattered throughout.
Rocco leaned over and asked me, "How the hell are they going to accommodate the kind of numbers they were promising?" The place was indeed very small -- so small, in fact, that the organizers encouraged that "up to four people" could use the non-functional sauna room. It was the size of a closet and no one could seriously play in there. You've got to love marketing -- this group's promotional email made this place sound like a palace!

There was no dance area and the "sound system" was a jerry-rigged amp speaker that was hooked up to a CD player (as pictured). To the immediate right of the speaker was a large piece of equipment that looked like an operating chair covered in a gold sheet. It was SO ghetto! The spa's front desk area had been converted into a "bar." We noticed lots of locked doors through the narrow hallway; these areas were most likely closets for storing the equipment that was usually at this spa. "FANTASY world"? What a fucking joke!
But, let me digress. I can always forgive a small venue if proper care is taken to make it functional and fun -- and especially if there are some cool guests. But even with cool guests, if people don't have inviting places to play then they
won't 
play! The "All Girl-Girl" room was empty throughout the night. The "erotic chocolate tasting" was a plate of sample-sized Hershey and Ghiaradelli chocolates. A bag of Lindor truffles were on the side. We laughed. It looked like someone took a trip to Duane Reade and took all of two minutes to set this up. There were pieces of spa equipment all over the place, ineffectually disguised (see the sink in the picture, used for shampooing).
We looked around. As usual, at 26, we were by far the youngest people present. Most of the couples were in their 40s. No senior citizens--at least--but hardly the "young" crowd the group promoted.
We tried speaking with couples, but only one Latin couple greeted us when we said "Hi." Friendly atmosphere? Yeah, right. We attempted to find out whether any of these guests had been to past events. We had to be aggressive in getting the attention of other people, because no one wanted to talk. We spoke to a MILF whose husband was out on the fire escape smoking. The MILF indicated that they were new, but had been to an on-premise club once before. She was explicit in saying that they had no desire to play on-premise [on-premise again means, sex on-premises is permitted]. We didn't get it. Why come to an on-premise event if you have no intention of playing? But then she dropped the ball; it was all her husband's idea. Of course it was! The MILF didn't want to play, but he did. This is
exactly why I hold Swing School at every one of my parties -- the MILF was very apprehensive, and that could have certainly been avoided. After MILF stopped talking to us, she made her way to the "bar" area where she remained for the rest of the night.
We approached another couple. They were new too. They had been to many off-premise parties like Skin and SexxyMofo events. They spoke to another couple about how watching people have sex was "weird." Again,
why were they here? Everyone was so judgmental. The other couple said that they had been to the last event that the group threw. We asked them how it was, and the woman said, "It was great! We met this cool Dutch couple -- he was a lawyyyyyer!" We asked if anyone played. She indicated that some people did, and it was more crowded. She said she enjoyed the group because she met some "cool people." Alright, that explained it. I guess some people just aren't looking for actual on-premises fun at an on-premises event. Whatever. We told the woman that we were the founders of the School of Sex. She commented, "Yeah... that's way too umm, educational, for me!" If she only knew the types of parties we throw!
The party was still totally dead at 2:00 AM. There were very few people present, and none of the couples were interested in playing. What WAS this??
A photographer made his rounds. He had a long mustache and looked like a merge of

Mr. Clean and the Monopoly guy. Mr. Monopoly asked couples whether they would like a complimentary photo for the promoter's website. When he asked us this, I replied, "FUCK NO!" He tried to get shots of the best looking girls, asking whether he could "just get a shot of their ass or boobs." Ahh, so this was the way they got those great pictures posted on the web. He was flattering the cutest girls' egos. Yeah, most were 40, but they were in decent shape. And we all know that Photoshop cures all. But, there was still no sex.
About 20 minutes later, we peeked into the "All Girl-Girl" room which now allowed men because it was completely dead. It was the photographer!!! He was fucking his assistant. This was too much. So the photographer was also the sexual performer. Two couples sat around them, watching. What the fuck!
I tried talking to some more couples, but they didn't seem interested. I felt totally scammed. This was a lame crowd -- mostly in their 40s. Most of the men were grey-haired. Rocco saw a few MILFs, but I didn't see a single cute guy. It was well after 2:00AM and Rocco was getting hungry. Besides the "erotic chocolate" there wasn't even any food. This was fucking lame.
We tried, and failed. In conclusion, readers, I cannot seriously give you a club or party recommendation except my own. Even the best of the competition doesn't come close.
But, thankfully, we knew of a hotel party going on.... so Rocco and I got the fuck out of the cock-tease event. But that story will have to wait for later!